Guilt

I know I haven't written for a few days, but to be honest I had no idea what to say next.

It was kind of scary to read my words out there for the world to see. Scary and freeing.
But what do I say next?
Where do I go now?
This isn't an easy thing to talk about. It's not something you can just bring up casually in conversation.
It's not something that I really want to share... it makes me vulnerable... I feel weak.

There are so many people out there who are in situations worse then mine. How can I be so focused on trivial things when others don't know where they are going to sleep, what they'll eat, where they will be safe...

Guilt..
I feel bad thinking about myself. Focusing on me. And why? Cause my self esteem issues are rooted in the physical.
What is it about what I look like?

So, I'll start there...
So what do I hate? What make me uncomfortable? What would I love to change?
I hate my thighs and stomach... my cellulite
I hate my flabby bits, my many (perceived) imperfections...

I hate that I worry about being judged

But it's not all bad, and that's important to remember!
So what do I love about myself?
I love my little feet
My long arms
My eyes.
I love my hair, my jaw, my nose.

But I could never show that...
That would take confidence... that would mean showing the world I love myself...

And that is what I really need to do now, is love myself. All of me. Inside and out.

xoxo - S

So, what's REALLY going on...

So, I know blogs are supposed to be personal as well as informational. With this in mind, I am going to try and start posting more about what's going on for me...
Well, the reason I started this blog was to look at how beauty and image is projected by the media and the effects that can have. I feel really strongly that there are too many amazing, talented, beautiful, intelligent women out there who feel badly about themselves because they do not look like girls in magazines, TV, the movies.

I should know, I was.... correction I am one of them.

I have struggled with self esteem issues most of my life. I can pretty much pin point it to a moment in Jr. High... something I am sure a lot of people can relate to. At the time it's painful and you think you will get past it ... it's only 3 years, of school right?

But moments like that can sometimes make a lasting impression...

leave painful scars...

and as ANY girl knows, there's not a cream invented yet to make any scar completely disappear.

It's easy to cover it up.

You can hide it,

 mask it,

draw attention away from it...

But it's still there...

So I am going to use my for my own healing. I hope that airing some of what I have  been through (and am going through) will not only help me get past some of my self-esteem issues, but let other people who are struggling know they aren't alone.

So here is to the journey, 

xoxo -S