Guilt

I know I haven't written for a few days, but to be honest I had no idea what to say next.

It was kind of scary to read my words out there for the world to see. Scary and freeing.
But what do I say next?
Where do I go now?
This isn't an easy thing to talk about. It's not something you can just bring up casually in conversation.
It's not something that I really want to share... it makes me vulnerable... I feel weak.

There are so many people out there who are in situations worse then mine. How can I be so focused on trivial things when others don't know where they are going to sleep, what they'll eat, where they will be safe...

Guilt..
I feel bad thinking about myself. Focusing on me. And why? Cause my self esteem issues are rooted in the physical.
What is it about what I look like?

So, I'll start there...
So what do I hate? What make me uncomfortable? What would I love to change?
I hate my thighs and stomach... my cellulite
I hate my flabby bits, my many (perceived) imperfections...

I hate that I worry about being judged

But it's not all bad, and that's important to remember!
So what do I love about myself?
I love my little feet
My long arms
My eyes.
I love my hair, my jaw, my nose.

But I could never show that...
That would take confidence... that would mean showing the world I love myself...

And that is what I really need to do now, is love myself. All of me. Inside and out.

xoxo - S